day 3!
I should be sleeping, but instead i'm making crappy ringtones :) well they're only bad quality cause it's like awesome orchestra music, but you know what! I'm like in love with brahm's symphonies! my eyes like almost watered... omg!!
GOOD NEWWWSS!! I THINK I GOT RESEARCH FOR THE SUMMER!
bad news: that means that i had my last summer of complete relaxation last summer...
gotta sleep now. exam tomorrow!
<3
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
I. Saw. President. Sarkozy! SECOND ROW! Woke up like a highschooler... 6:30am. intense and tired. so tired. so worth it! I understood most of the frenchh!! so that was a really happy moment for me. to know i hadn't lost it all.
Thought a lot of things today, i'll try to remember at a later date.
evening.
Thought a lot of things today, i'll try to remember at a later date.
evening.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
I'm unusually hard to hold onto.
definition of my life, in only one case though. strange. it's hard to lose me as a friend. very hard i'd like to think. Well i'm going to try, try REALLY hard to blog on a regs basis. I really really wish i had it in me to journal, but it just takes too long to write things down. typing is so much more efficient. there are always too many things going on in my head, soo typing is the closest thing i have besides actually talking to getting it all out, without forgetting anything.
I realized yesterday that blogging REALLY helps empty my head, and i LOVE that! It was the fastest i've fallen asleep in a long time. This is mainly why i want to do this, i want to give myself a solid like five minutes of just emptying my head so i can sleep without all the noise!
EXCITING NEWS!!! I get to see Nicolas Sarkozy talk tomorrow! Thank you ivy league schools! I wrote a letter to my old french teacher, Monsieur Olivetti, and I told him i was going to see him! and he wrote back to me in all french, and I still understood it!! that was a major win for me. I really miss french, it's such a great language. :)
Today, i was discussing my love for friends with Ann, and then i was saying how the main way i can differentiate my friends, is by saying who would be in my "bridesmaid" party. cause like... I luff all my friends, and how can i say who i like more? Well typically i shouldnt, but i figured like it's an interesting thing, who would you actually include. well for sure my sister gets to be the maid of honor, duhz. and then ann, lindsey, anna, and becca? those are my choices for now. I really like them :) i think i consider them my besties. but I also have other besties... my life is so complicated. hahaha well not really. I'm not sure, it'll all pan out eventually.
So i've been texting a lot again :) another youngin' hahaha. Colin might get to visit in april which would be exciting! something for me to look forward to after all these exams. seriously, 6 really? thank you SEAS! only 4 more though, and i'll be all set... for two weeks.
So i started a playlist of songs on itunes with lyrics that i am absolutely in love with. I've realized a trend. I like songs that have a beautiful and hopeful lyrics like "topeka(ludo) - every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future." and "anybody there (thescript)- if this is the face of a sinner, and heaven is only for winners, then i don't cause cause i wont know anybody there" I like those, cause i'm not religious and whatnot, but its a pleasant view telling you to really just be happy and accept who you are. There's also like... the love songs where the girl is more jaded or skeptical of love, or songs just about that in general. I really enjoy those. I feel like i relate to them, but it's weird since i'm also so quick to liking people... but i also kind of talk myself out of it quickly too, or i try. I can't really lie to myself.
I'm very skeptical of love... but i'm also a hopeless romantic.
welcome to my life.
(2 days in a row!)
definition of my life, in only one case though. strange. it's hard to lose me as a friend. very hard i'd like to think. Well i'm going to try, try REALLY hard to blog on a regs basis. I really really wish i had it in me to journal, but it just takes too long to write things down. typing is so much more efficient. there are always too many things going on in my head, soo typing is the closest thing i have besides actually talking to getting it all out, without forgetting anything.
I realized yesterday that blogging REALLY helps empty my head, and i LOVE that! It was the fastest i've fallen asleep in a long time. This is mainly why i want to do this, i want to give myself a solid like five minutes of just emptying my head so i can sleep without all the noise!
EXCITING NEWS!!! I get to see Nicolas Sarkozy talk tomorrow! Thank you ivy league schools! I wrote a letter to my old french teacher, Monsieur Olivetti, and I told him i was going to see him! and he wrote back to me in all french, and I still understood it!! that was a major win for me. I really miss french, it's such a great language. :)
Today, i was discussing my love for friends with Ann, and then i was saying how the main way i can differentiate my friends, is by saying who would be in my "bridesmaid" party. cause like... I luff all my friends, and how can i say who i like more? Well typically i shouldnt, but i figured like it's an interesting thing, who would you actually include. well for sure my sister gets to be the maid of honor, duhz. and then ann, lindsey, anna, and becca? those are my choices for now. I really like them :) i think i consider them my besties. but I also have other besties... my life is so complicated. hahaha well not really. I'm not sure, it'll all pan out eventually.
So i've been texting a lot again :) another youngin' hahaha. Colin might get to visit in april which would be exciting! something for me to look forward to after all these exams. seriously, 6 really? thank you SEAS! only 4 more though, and i'll be all set... for two weeks.
So i started a playlist of songs on itunes with lyrics that i am absolutely in love with. I've realized a trend. I like songs that have a beautiful and hopeful lyrics like "topeka(ludo) - every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future." and "anybody there (thescript)- if this is the face of a sinner, and heaven is only for winners, then i don't cause cause i wont know anybody there" I like those, cause i'm not religious and whatnot, but its a pleasant view telling you to really just be happy and accept who you are. There's also like... the love songs where the girl is more jaded or skeptical of love, or songs just about that in general. I really enjoy those. I feel like i relate to them, but it's weird since i'm also so quick to liking people... but i also kind of talk myself out of it quickly too, or i try. I can't really lie to myself.
I'm very skeptical of love... but i'm also a hopeless romantic.
welcome to my life.
(2 days in a row!)
set mood music.
So tonight i'm apparently very pensive. So i figure the best way is to get all these thoughts out of my head and onto this blog, and maybe i'll stop talking to myself and I can get some sleep tonight.
I've been staying up later and later, and this is the third consecutive day of me sleeping this late (it's 3am, i slept at 4am yesterday). I'm pretty sure i'm constantly analyzing myself, and i'm not really a fan that with every guy i'm friends with, i have to "like" them for at least a small increment of time before it becomes completely platonic. Can't i just find someone who i can just be friends with that isn't a girl. I guess it's fine, cause once i get over it its ok. I'm pretty sure it's partially the reason why I worked so hard tonight, cause i was in a slightly subdued mood, bringing down my mood just enough to get me to focus. Thanks j! It's nice having someone to talk to, and it has resulted in many late nights on my part, but I don't mind. it was fun :) i think i'm reaching platonic. yay! the ultimate goal.
So today i started talking to Ian again. It was nice to get everything about rachel completely off my chest. Well i guess i'd done that enough, but for some reason he felt like a more direct source, and like, It was such a long time ago, it was weird having it all come back. it was junior year, wow I can't believe how long ago that feels. I remember there being good times, but everytime i think of something fun from then, all these memories of what made me suppress all those times in my mind and even chose to cut people out of my life come flooding back. I can't have one without the other, and that's kind of sad. I want to remember the good things. Life is too short to dwell.
Recently, things with T have been completely platonic for me! that was also one of those strange things. How quickly things change. Thank you vacation :) It's nice to have him as a friend, but i'm glad i've reached this level. I don't even have this crazy need to text him anymore. i'm perfectly content.
Friends! I love them. i love my music friends. I realized over vacation how much i actually love my friends. I used to believe that love only pertained to family, and that one special other. It then hit me, that I'd drive like anywhere for my friends, and how much i just really truly enjoy being with them. If that's not love, then what is? I want to be with people who make me laugh so hard that I can't breathe. Or i just look back and think "i want to go back and relive that." That is what happens every time i go to a music festival. In fact! i went to the NEMFA concert this year, and those few hours i spent with Joel, Dave, Max, Milod, JENA!!, and Colin were amazing. I would not have replaced it for the world. I even drovee to storrs to hang out with Dave, Max, and Milod. That day was amazing. I loved being able to just hang out with them, no rehearsals to worry about. I can't wait till I get to see them again at Dave's cys concert! may 23rd. I'm counting down the days. I'm stuck in highschool, and I don't mind. If those friends didn't make me so happy, I wouldn't want to go back so much.
Dissapointments. I'm not going to bamboozle. I wanted to go so bad, but for some reason it's not happening. I can't go by myself, everyone wants to go on the sunday when I have an exam that saturday. and plus. saturday has paramore. definetly one of my favorite bands right now. I'm also still unsure that I can go to the first This Providence Headlining tour. I seriously can't depend on anyone but myself, or lindsey. There has never been someone who was as dependable as she. she's one of the best friends I have, and I know i can count on her for anything/if i really want to do something or she does, that it will happen. I pride myself in the fact that I keep in touch with people, and that I am now willing to drive to see people. I really care about the relationships i have with people. Awesome tidbit: when i was visiting max dave and milod, I got to see Joe! joe from science bowl who I hadn't seen since 8th grade... yup 5 years! It wasn't awkward, but actually really awesome. I hope to hang out with him again soon. He's such a nice guy, I'm glad i kept in touch.
The sleep is starting to crash over me. <3
So tonight i'm apparently very pensive. So i figure the best way is to get all these thoughts out of my head and onto this blog, and maybe i'll stop talking to myself and I can get some sleep tonight.
I've been staying up later and later, and this is the third consecutive day of me sleeping this late (it's 3am, i slept at 4am yesterday). I'm pretty sure i'm constantly analyzing myself, and i'm not really a fan that with every guy i'm friends with, i have to "like" them for at least a small increment of time before it becomes completely platonic. Can't i just find someone who i can just be friends with that isn't a girl. I guess it's fine, cause once i get over it its ok. I'm pretty sure it's partially the reason why I worked so hard tonight, cause i was in a slightly subdued mood, bringing down my mood just enough to get me to focus. Thanks j! It's nice having someone to talk to, and it has resulted in many late nights on my part, but I don't mind. it was fun :) i think i'm reaching platonic. yay! the ultimate goal.
So today i started talking to Ian again. It was nice to get everything about rachel completely off my chest. Well i guess i'd done that enough, but for some reason he felt like a more direct source, and like, It was such a long time ago, it was weird having it all come back. it was junior year, wow I can't believe how long ago that feels. I remember there being good times, but everytime i think of something fun from then, all these memories of what made me suppress all those times in my mind and even chose to cut people out of my life come flooding back. I can't have one without the other, and that's kind of sad. I want to remember the good things. Life is too short to dwell.
Recently, things with T have been completely platonic for me! that was also one of those strange things. How quickly things change. Thank you vacation :) It's nice to have him as a friend, but i'm glad i've reached this level. I don't even have this crazy need to text him anymore. i'm perfectly content.
Friends! I love them. i love my music friends. I realized over vacation how much i actually love my friends. I used to believe that love only pertained to family, and that one special other. It then hit me, that I'd drive like anywhere for my friends, and how much i just really truly enjoy being with them. If that's not love, then what is? I want to be with people who make me laugh so hard that I can't breathe. Or i just look back and think "i want to go back and relive that." That is what happens every time i go to a music festival. In fact! i went to the NEMFA concert this year, and those few hours i spent with Joel, Dave, Max, Milod, JENA!!, and Colin were amazing. I would not have replaced it for the world. I even drovee to storrs to hang out with Dave, Max, and Milod. That day was amazing. I loved being able to just hang out with them, no rehearsals to worry about. I can't wait till I get to see them again at Dave's cys concert! may 23rd. I'm counting down the days. I'm stuck in highschool, and I don't mind. If those friends didn't make me so happy, I wouldn't want to go back so much.
Dissapointments. I'm not going to bamboozle. I wanted to go so bad, but for some reason it's not happening. I can't go by myself, everyone wants to go on the sunday when I have an exam that saturday. and plus. saturday has paramore. definetly one of my favorite bands right now. I'm also still unsure that I can go to the first This Providence Headlining tour. I seriously can't depend on anyone but myself, or lindsey. There has never been someone who was as dependable as she. she's one of the best friends I have, and I know i can count on her for anything/if i really want to do something or she does, that it will happen. I pride myself in the fact that I keep in touch with people, and that I am now willing to drive to see people. I really care about the relationships i have with people. Awesome tidbit: when i was visiting max dave and milod, I got to see Joe! joe from science bowl who I hadn't seen since 8th grade... yup 5 years! It wasn't awkward, but actually really awesome. I hope to hang out with him again soon. He's such a nice guy, I'm glad i kept in touch.
The sleep is starting to crash over me. <3
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